Tips for partners of women with postpartum depression

During pregnancy and immediately postpartum, a woman's body goes through an incredible amount of change — blood loss, physical and mental fatigue, and significant hormonal shifts that can be extremely overwhelming.

Couple that with the demands of being a new parent — the lack of sleep, the constant worry, the new responsibilities — and it's no wonder that people who give birth experience a range of emotions during that first year of their baby's life. For some women, these emotions are overwhelming and can turn into postpartum mood disorders including anxiety, depression, and psychosis.

Postpartum depression (PPD) is a common but serious condition. It affects one in eight new mothers during the first year after having a baby. As a partner of someone who might have PPD, you play a crucial role in recognizing this condition and supporting them as they heal.

Here are 7 ways to be there for your significant other as they navigate through postpartum depression.

1. Know the signs of postpartum depression.

Despite its prevalence, postpartum depression often gets brushed off or hidden by the women experiencing it. Some might feel ashamed or guilty for feeling depressed and overwhelmed during what's supposed to be a happy time for them. Others might be concerned about being viewed as a bad mother. And others might not know the signs at all says Valerie Huff, LCSW, a psychotherapist at Main Line HealthCare Women's Emotional Wellness Center.

As a partner, watch for the signs of PPD, which last more than two weeks and can occur in the first year after giving birth. These include:

• Feelings of anger, hopelessness, guilt or shame
• Mood swings
• Changes in appetite or sleep
• Sadness or unusual moments of crying
• Loss of interest in activities they once loved
• Avoidance of loved ones
• Thoughts of causing harm to the baby or themselves

2. Help with tangible needs.

PPD can make everything feel overwhelming. From cooking to doing the laundry to scheduling newborn check-ups, the list might feel endless. Now is a great time to step in and take some tangible items off your partner's plate.

Responsibilities you can take over include:

• Making sure you're stocked up on supplies, like diapers, baby wipes and formula
• Preparing meals for the family (and making sure your partner eats, too)
• Attending to the needs of older children
• Setting boundaries with family and friends about visiting the baby

Try to do some of these tasks without asking. If your partner has to ask you to complete tasks, that alone is an additional task for her. Of course, always be sure to communicate (such as with a shared list) to avoid confusion.

3. Make sure they sleep.

Sleep is crucial to a person's well-being at any time, including while healing from giving birth. Lack of sleep can put women at risk of developing PPD, and trouble sleeping can also be a symptom of the condition.

To help your partner improve their quantity and quality of sleep, try:

• Taking shifts during night duties
• Using a designated sleeping room for the person whose turn it is to sleep
• Prioritizing sleep over less crucial demands, such as certain household chores

You may also need to put your partner's emotional needs over strict feeding expectations. Breastfeeding mothers face a lot of demands, especially at night. Consider having them pump a bottle for the night or using formula to help them get some shut-eye says Huff.

4. Give them some time to themselves.

Whether it's the first child or fourth, having a new baby is a major shift. It means less time to yourself and more focus on the baby. If your significant other is suffering from PPD, time away can do wonders.

Provide opportunities for them to engage in "me time." Whether that means going for a walk, enjoying a favorite hobby or reading a book for an uninterrupted period of time, these moments will help them recharge.

If possible, try to find a sitter for the baby to allow you to reconnect as a couple as well. These moments can be restful and help your partner open up about their feelings, allowing you to understand their perspective and support them as best you can.

5. Remind them that they're doing an amazing job.

Parenting is tough. The pressure is high, comparisons are everywhere and you're often running on empty to get everything done. Add in PPD, and it can feel overwhelming. As a result, your partner might feel like they're failing at the most important role of their life.

Remind them how amazing they're doing — in small moments and large. Tell them how great they are with paying attention to their baby’s needs, how much you admire their deep love for your baby and how much you respect them as a parent. This will help remind them how wonderful they are, especially when it's easy to forget.

6. Encourage them to get help.

People with PPD often benefit from professional support, whether with therapy, medication or both. Now, there's a new oral medication approved to treat symptoms of PPD, making it easier than ever to find relief.

If you notice the signs of PPD in your partner — or they express the need for help — encourage them to talk to their health care provider. Together, they'll determine the best approach for healing from this serious condition.

7. Take care of yourself, too.

Having a new baby is demanding for both parents. As a partner of someone with PPD, you need to care for yourself, too. If you ignore your own mental and physical health, you may not be able to take care of your significant other and new baby.

Be sure to take time for yourself, eat nutritious food and get enough quality sleep (when possible). These actions will go a long way in helping you support your family.

Supporting your partner's health after having a baby

The year after having a baby may be one of the most demanding periods of your life. As a new parent, you'll face decisions and responsibilities that you've never had before, which is both exciting and overwhelming.

Both parents should be on the lookout for signs of postpartum depression. While it's a common condition, it's also treatable with the right support. Together, you can navigate this time to ensure the health and happiness of your new family.

Next steps:

Make an appointment with Valerie Huff, LCSW
Learn more about obstetrics at Main Line Health
6 changes during pregnancy that may surprise you